self saving, sometimes
Its 11:30 am (and counting), and I'm sitting, bleary eyed in my pjs in front of the computer. I'm trying to kill time - to make the minutes tick by faster. I actually went to bed 2 hours ago. I've been up for half an hour.
Crying it out (CIO) has worked for Ethan's sleep problems. But once in a while - say, once a week or less often, he'll awaken and not be able to soothe himself to sleep very quickly. Tonight is one of those nights - and as I type this I'm listening to him wail. I go in to check on him every 5, 10 minutes, for a pat pat "I love you" "night night". And I leave, closing the door behind me, and the wailing begins again. The last time we played this nighttime game it was about 10 days ago and we were up for almost 2 hours. Sometimes its only 5 minutes.
I've developed a bit of an anxiety problem around all of this business. Before the CIO system, and for almost 7 months straight, I'd go to bed very anxious and stressed out because I knew that it could be a matter of time (10 minutes, an hour, 5 hours, 7?) from the time my head hit the pillow to when Ethan would awaken, cry inconsolably and I'd go and pick him up, try to rock and/or nurse him back to sleep, then get him into his crib without waking him (sometimes that was the clincher). Usually these episodes lasted an hour or two. And happened at least once a night, sometimes two. I was so sleep deprived (as was he) we were both suffering.
Now I go to bed anxious that I'll be awakened by the crying, and while I lay in bed listening to him snort and snuff and usually calm himself back to sleep almost immediately, sometimes its like tonight and the crying goes on and on and while I check on him to make sure he's safe, not too hot or cold, that his diaper's not leaking or full, etc, it is so heartbreaking because I have to be consistent and let him sort himself out. The 5/10 minute checks and consoles are a small relief to us both I think, but the crying and wailing and tear streaked cheeks are so heartbreaking.
Anyway, I've written about establishing the CIO system here before - I won't reiterate. I just wanted to type here that its still really hard when we have nights like this. I have to sit in front of the computer between the check times, and find things to distract me or I'll crumble. I have no doubt that I'm doing the right thing for him. As I said, he's been sleeping through the night, 11 hours or so every night, about 90 % of the time. Its wonderful, and he's rested. But these nights are hard.
I know when he's finally asleep (hopefully soon - its now 11:40 pm) I'll go back to bed, get under the covers and turn out the light. And hear the static from the baby monitor in the darkness. And try to get myself back to sleep without worrying or anticipating the next wail - hopefully not tonight. And if so, my biggest challenge is clinging to that consistency and not give in and bring him to bed with me. One night of that and all the month or more of hard work on both our parts is for naught.
He's starting to settle - but I can hear him. If I'm in bed before midnight tonight I'll be thankful.
Please little baby - go to sleep. Go to sleep. Night night. Night night. Mummum loves you so much. So much.
Crying it out (CIO) has worked for Ethan's sleep problems. But once in a while - say, once a week or less often, he'll awaken and not be able to soothe himself to sleep very quickly. Tonight is one of those nights - and as I type this I'm listening to him wail. I go in to check on him every 5, 10 minutes, for a pat pat "I love you" "night night". And I leave, closing the door behind me, and the wailing begins again. The last time we played this nighttime game it was about 10 days ago and we were up for almost 2 hours. Sometimes its only 5 minutes.
I've developed a bit of an anxiety problem around all of this business. Before the CIO system, and for almost 7 months straight, I'd go to bed very anxious and stressed out because I knew that it could be a matter of time (10 minutes, an hour, 5 hours, 7?) from the time my head hit the pillow to when Ethan would awaken, cry inconsolably and I'd go and pick him up, try to rock and/or nurse him back to sleep, then get him into his crib without waking him (sometimes that was the clincher). Usually these episodes lasted an hour or two. And happened at least once a night, sometimes two. I was so sleep deprived (as was he) we were both suffering.
Now I go to bed anxious that I'll be awakened by the crying, and while I lay in bed listening to him snort and snuff and usually calm himself back to sleep almost immediately, sometimes its like tonight and the crying goes on and on and while I check on him to make sure he's safe, not too hot or cold, that his diaper's not leaking or full, etc, it is so heartbreaking because I have to be consistent and let him sort himself out. The 5/10 minute checks and consoles are a small relief to us both I think, but the crying and wailing and tear streaked cheeks are so heartbreaking.
Anyway, I've written about establishing the CIO system here before - I won't reiterate. I just wanted to type here that its still really hard when we have nights like this. I have to sit in front of the computer between the check times, and find things to distract me or I'll crumble. I have no doubt that I'm doing the right thing for him. As I said, he's been sleeping through the night, 11 hours or so every night, about 90 % of the time. Its wonderful, and he's rested. But these nights are hard.
I know when he's finally asleep (hopefully soon - its now 11:40 pm) I'll go back to bed, get under the covers and turn out the light. And hear the static from the baby monitor in the darkness. And try to get myself back to sleep without worrying or anticipating the next wail - hopefully not tonight. And if so, my biggest challenge is clinging to that consistency and not give in and bring him to bed with me. One night of that and all the month or more of hard work on both our parts is for naught.
He's starting to settle - but I can hear him. If I'm in bed before midnight tonight I'll be thankful.
Please little baby - go to sleep. Go to sleep. Night night. Night night. Mummum loves you so much. So much.
posted by Sherocious at 11:28 p.m.
1 Comments:
**hugs** it is hard, I'm trying to do the same thing over here. We had 3 nights sleeping right through in a row, and a very happy baby each morning, so I'm feeling like it's worth the pain.
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